Please, Allow Me to Confess...

Hello, My Friends~~~

Lately my life hasn't been as sunny as I would like it to be...

I am one of those folks that when I don't know what is happening to my body, I panic, then when I can't stand it anymore, I get things checked out, and then I relax.

As you may know from previous posts, I had to deal with health issues over the past 3 months: asthma, heart check, and weight loss. Having to deal with medical tests is not the way I want to spend an hour or a minute! But I am 49 years old (there, I said it) and it was time to take charge of my health. And I did. I listened to my doctors, nutritionist, AND lost the weight, upped the exercise, and am eating better than I ever had in my entire life. I recently reached my goal weight for a woman of my age and height (5' 5"), and I now weigh 135 pounds. However, peppered in all of that was an unsettled feeling from time to time. I would occasionally get a little dizzy, then sweaty, then panicky, and on and on until I was a mess and feeling flat and just not myself. Medical tests proved that I was fine physically. Then I wondered...

Oh heck yes! And for extra fun, in addition to hot flashes, I was having panic symptoms to go along with those flashes. If someone had only told me weeks ago that I was going through this and NOT a heart attack, I might not have let the panic get to me. And here's the ugly truth, but panic did get to me it did. For several weeks I avoided leaving my house unless it was with Hubby. Since I work at home it was easy. But it was torture. During those three weeks I went through hell not knowing why my body was doing this to me. When I found that my symptoms were perimenopause, I was relieved, but exorcising my panic demons required a visit for the first time in my life to a therapist. I am at the beginning of that journey.

And I'm not alone either. I read this lively lady's story, and was so inspired by her that I am starting something new and exciting in my life (more about that later)...

You may or may not know, but Paula Deen suffered from severe agoraphobia and panic attacks for 20 years! Her story was hilarious and inspiring to me, and made my 3 weeks of agoraphobia seem like nothing (but it was something to me!). Thank you, Paula!

And along the way in my life's journey I have to continue to keep my health in check and keep the weight that I lost OFF. This plucky gal's book, recommended to me by my BFF Suzy, is a MUST read...

I have never read a book that describes food so well! Jillian's book is well-researched and easy to read.

And I began reading this, and just love the stories within...

I really want to laugh through this! I am practicing everyday.

I sincerely hope you all don't mind such a personal post on my blog. It is therapy just to put these things in writing and share them. And I'm feeling better every day. These days, I am going out on my own and feeling much less panicky--I know I'm not going to pass out or have a heart attack. I also know that avoiding situations is NOT the way to manage this and get better. As I get used to this bump in my road, and shall I say it, my changing body, I acknowledge that my life isn't perfect and I'm not Pollyanna. But I am stubborn, willful and am not settling for feeling this way. I have always had things I avoid: flying, driving down I-95 on my own, snakes, etc. I want to come out of this therapy better than when I went in. I don't know how long it will take, but I do know that it is all up to me. And I will make good choices. I am good at doing that: Hubby is the BEST choice I have ever made, and that was over 25 years ago when we met, and 23 years ago this year when we were married.

Now, what am I doing new that excites me? Until everything is in place (and I'm thinking that may be in early August), may I just tease you a bit and say that Beth's Bagz is going to have a "partner in crime." And yes, Paula Deen inspired me. But much more will be revealed later. Until then, thank you so much for visiting today.~~~XXOO, Beth

PS: I forgot to mention that my wonderful gyno, told me to take OTC Estroven. It's all natural and she says it does work in her experience, it just takes a while (about 7-10 days) to get into my system. I am very happy with that option and now on day 7 of my daily dosage, I am feeling better, not perfect, but better :)